Broad Shoulders

I have one (surprising) class that has been driving me crazy lately. A small portion of my students in said class simply will not sing. They were happy--even enthusiastic--about last concert's preparation, but for this concert they've just decided to not sing. That's middle schoolers for you...

After careful consideration (and much time and analysis), I seemed to have found root of the problem. One particularly toxic attitude that infiltrates my choir every other day and brings other, normally tolerable attitudes down with her. For a while, this confused me... then it infuriated me... then it scared me a little.... but now, I have it figured out.

I recently had a conversation with a fellow music teacher who was saying that she always seemed to take her frustration about a particularly silly educational tool out on the same person. My exact words in response were, "Yeah, he understands that it's not him. He's got broad shoulders. He can take it." Even coming out of my mouth the words seemed familiar... where had I heard that before? It bothered me for weeks. I usually can recall whole conversations with people if there's something about it, like a meaningful phrase, that stuck with me. And today I remembered.

(Disclaimer: There are a lot of people in my life who are adamantly not religious. There are a lot of people in my life who are very religious. There are a lot of people in my life who are somewhere in between. To all of you--I tell this next story not for it's religious implications, but for the power of the story, how it impacted me then, and how it relates to what I'm going through now. Kapeesh? ...... btw, if you were a 6th grader, this is the point where you would say "kaposh.")

It had been a weird week at kamp (yes, kamp with a k). My mother was in the hospital for gall-bladder surgery, and things just seemed to be getting worse. She had to have another surgery, but no one seemed to be able to give me real reason (or at least one I could understand...) for why. I had no way to get to her, and I had very little idea of what was going on. Now, I work very, very hard to never lose my cool in public, but at that worship service, I simply fell apart. I bawled and just kept repeating "I don't understand. I don't understand." Everyone there was very kind and said nice things. Some people just listened and asked questions; some people gave advice; but one person, whom I have always considered very wise, offered these words: "Then take it out on Jesus. He's got broad shoulders. He can take it." What she meant was: Jesus knows this ain't his fault. You know this ain't Jesus' fault. Jesus knows you know this ain't his fault.... but he also knows you need someone to lay it on right now. So lay it on him.

Fast-forward six years.... When I first saw the problems in my class, I couldn't understand why it was happening. I started to see the cause of it all and got very angry at my student--why was she being so intolerable? Who gave her the right to act that way? Then, I started to get a little scared--was all of this beyond my control? Was this my fault? Would the toxic attitude eventually take over the whole choir?

No. Something is going on in this girl's life, something beyond the four walls in which I have some control. I didn't cause it; I may very well have nothing to do with it. But I can stop it from affecting my classroom atmosphere. I can stop it from bringing my girls' spirits down. And then, if she wants to take whatever it is out on me (and just me), that's fine. I've got broad shoulders. I can take it.